Holiday Wellness
A Practical Resource for California & Nevada Families
Holiday Mental Health
Survival Guide
By the Clinical Team at Diligence Care Plus
San Bernardino, CA & Las Vegas, NV
You're Not Alone
The holidays can be wonderful—and they can also be incredibly hard. If you're feeling stressed, anxious, or dreading family gatherings, you're not alone. This guide offers practical, evidence-based tools you can use right now to protect your mental health and your family's wellbeing during the holiday season.
You Have Permission To:
- ✓ Set boundaries with difficult relatives
- ✓ Say no to events that drain you
- ✓ Prioritize your family's needs over others' expectations
- ✓ Ask for help when you need it
- ✓ Have a less-than-perfect holiday season
Guide Contents
Click any section to jump directly to it
Warning Signs Checklist
Is Your Family Struggling? Watch for These Signs
In Children
- ☐ Changes in sleep patterns
- ☐ Withdrawal from activities they normally enjoy
- ☐ Increased clinginess or separation anxiety
- ☐ Regression in behavior
- ☐ Physical complaints with no medical cause
- ☐ More aggressive or defiant behavior
- ☐ Changes in eating habits
In Yourself
- ☐ Dreading upcoming family events
- ☐ Increased irritability or anger
- ☐ Changes in sleep or appetite
- ☐ Physical symptoms (headaches, stomach problems)
- ☐ Withdrawing from your partner or friends
- ☐ Feeling trapped or hopeless
- ☐ Increased use of alcohol or substances to cope
⚠️ If You Notice These Signs:
Multiple warning signs don't mean you're failing—they mean you need support. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional. The earlier you seek help, the better the outcome.
Boundary Scripts for Difficult Relatives
What to Say When It's Hard to Speak Up
The Formula
A good boundary statement has three parts:
- Acknowledgment: Recognize their perspective or feelings
- Your Boundary: State what you need clearly and firmly
- Consequence (if needed): What happens if the boundary isn't respected
Common Scenarios
When Someone Criticizes Your Parenting:
Script: "I know you have opinions about how we're raising our kids, but we've made decisions that work for our family. I'm not open to discussing this anymore."
If they persist: "I've asked you to stop. If this continues, we'll need to leave/end the visit."
When Someone Asks Why You're Not Coming to an Event:
Script: "We've decided this year to keep our holidays smaller and more manageable. I hope you have a wonderful time."
If they push back: "I understand you're disappointed, but this is what's best for us right now."
When Someone Makes Inappropriate Comments in Front of Your Kids:
Script: "I need you to stop talking about [topic] in front of the children. This conversation isn't appropriate for them."
If it continues: "We're going to leave now. We can try again another time when you're ready to respect this boundary."
When Someone Guilt-Trips You:
Script: "I hear that you're upset, and I'm sorry you feel that way. But this is the decision we've made for our family."
Remember: You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE). Your "no" is complete.
When You Need to Leave Early:
Script: "We're going to head out now. Thank you for having us."
If they ask why: "The kids are getting tired" or simply "It's time for us to go."
Remember:
Healthy boundaries are not:
- ✗ Selfish or mean
- ✗ Controlling other people
- ✗ Something you need to apologize for
Healthy boundaries ARE:
- ✓ Protecting your family's wellbeing
- ✓ Teaching your children self-respect
- ✓ Taking care of your mental health
Talking to Your Children About Family Stress
Age-Appropriate Scripts to Help Your Kids Feel Safe
For Young Children (Ages 3-7)
Keep it simple and concrete. Focus on what WILL happen, not what might go wrong.
Before a Difficult Gathering:
"We're going to visit [relative] today. Sometimes grown-ups don't get along perfectly, and that's okay. If you see Mommy or Daddy looking serious or if anyone seems upset, it's not your fault. We're the grown-ups, and we'll handle it. Your job is just to be a kid and have fun."
If You Need to Leave Early:
"We're going to leave now. Sometimes when grown-ups spend too much time together, they need a break. It's like when you and your friend need time apart after a long playdate. Everyone's okay."
If Someone Was Mean or Inappropriate:
"Sometimes grown-ups say things that aren't kind or true. When [relative] said [thing], that wasn't okay. You don't have to believe it, and you don't have to be around people who don't treat you well. Mommy and Daddy will always protect you."
For Older Children (Ages 8-12)
You can be more honest while still protecting them from adult problems.
When Family Relationships Are Difficult:
"You might notice that things feel tense when we're around [relative]. That's because grown-ups sometimes have complicated relationships. It doesn't mean anyone is bad—it just means we don't always agree on important things. Our family has decided to set some boundaries to make sure everyone feels safe and respected."
If You're Limiting Contact:
"We've decided to see [relative] less often right now. This isn't a punishment for anyone—it's about taking care of our family's mental health. Just like you need breaks from friends sometimes, families need that too. We still care about [relative], but we're choosing what's best for us."
Teaching Boundaries:
"You get to decide what feels right for you. If someone—even family—makes you uncomfortable, you can say no. You can leave the room. You can come find me. Your feelings matter, and you never have to accept treatment that doesn't feel good just because someone is related to you."
For Teens (Ages 13+)
Teens can handle more nuance and benefit from understanding the "why" behind your decisions.
Being Honest About Dysfunction:
"I want to be honest with you about why we're handling holidays differently this year. Some of our family dynamics aren't healthy, and we've realized that pretending everything is fine hasn't been good for any of us. We're setting boundaries because we love and respect ourselves—and we're modeling for you what healthy relationships look like."
Validating Their Feelings:
"If you're feeling relieved that we're not doing [event], that's completely valid. If you're sad about it, that's valid too. Family situations can be complicated, and it's okay to have mixed feelings. What matters is that we're making decisions based on what's healthiest for everyone."
Empowering Their Voice:
"As you get older, you'll need to make decisions about your relationships with extended family too. We want you to know: you don't owe anyone a relationship just because they're family. You get to choose who you spend time with based on how they treat you. We'll support whatever boundaries you need to set."
💡 Important Reminders:
- Don't badmouth relatives, even if they've hurt you
- Don't put your child in the middle as a mediator
- Don't make them keep secrets about family tension
- DO reassure them that they're safe and loved
- DO let them express their feelings without judgment
- DO model healthy coping strategies
Emergency Mental Health Resources
When You Need Help Right Now
Crisis Lines
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or Text: 988
24/7 support for people in crisis
Crisis Text Line
Text: HOME to 741741
Free 24/7 text support
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 1-800-799-7233
Text: START to 88788
Local Resources
California
San Bernardino County Crisis Line: (800) 300-5080
24/7 mental health crisis support for San Bernardino County residents
Nevada
Nevada Crisis Line: (800) 273-8255
24/7 support for Nevada residents
🚨 If You or Someone Else Is in Immediate Danger:
CALL 911 or go to your nearest emergency room
Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Your life matters.
Self-Care Action Plan for Overwhelmed Parents
Practical Ways to Take Care of Yourself This Season
Before Difficult Gatherings
- Plan your "exit strategy" in advance with your partner
- Decide on a code word or signal for "I need to leave"
- Have a friend on standby you can text for support
- Remind yourself: You can leave at any time
- Eat something substantial before you go
- Limit alcohol—you need to stay clear-headed
- Practice your boundary scripts out loud
During Gatherings
- Take bathroom breaks to decompress and breathe
- Keep your phone accessible for support texts
- Stay near exits if possible
- Don't engage in arguments—change the subject or walk away
- Check in with your kids regularly
- Remember: You don't have to explain or justify leaving
After Difficult Interactions
- Debrief with your partner—acknowledge what happened
- Check in with your kids about how they're feeling
- Do something soothing: hot bath, favorite movie, comfort food
- Journal about your experience if that helps you process
- Talk to a friend who "gets it"
- Give yourself permission to rest and recover
- Don't go back over what you "should have" said—you did your best
Daily Self-Care During the Season
- Morning: 5 minutes of quiet before your kids wake up
- Afternoon: A short walk, even just around the block
- Evening: One thing just for you (reading, hobby, bath)
- Throughout: Deep breathing when stress rises
- Weekly: Connect with a friend who understands
- Monthly: A longer break if possible—even 2 hours helps
Quick Grounding Techniques
Use these when you feel overwhelmed:
5-4-3-2-1 Technique:
- Name 5 things you can see
- Name 4 things you can touch
- Name 3 things you can hear
- Name 2 things you can smell
- Name 1 thing you can taste
Box Breathing:
- Breathe in for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Breathe out for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Repeat 4 times
Mindfulness & Coping Strategies
Evidence-Based Techniques for Managing Holiday Stress
Cognitive Reframing
Challenge unhelpful thought patterns that increase stress:
Unhelpful thought: "I'm a bad person for not wanting to see my family."
Reframe: "I'm protecting my family's wellbeing. That's responsible, not bad."
Unhelpful thought: "Everyone else can handle their family. Why can't I?"
Reframe: "Everyone's family situation is different. I'm doing what's right for mine."
Unhelpful thought: "The holidays are ruined."
Reframe: "We're creating new traditions that work better for us."
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Reduce physical tension through this 5-minute exercise:
- Find a quiet space where you won't be disturbed
- Starting with your feet, tense the muscles for 5 seconds
- Release the tension and notice the difference for 10 seconds
- Move up through your body: calves, thighs, abdomen, chest, arms, neck, face
- Breathe slowly throughout
- Notice how your body feels more relaxed
This technique is particularly helpful before bed if family stress is disrupting your sleep.
Mindfulness Practice for Difficult Moments
When you're in a stressful situation and can't leave, this simple practice can help:
- Notice: "I'm feeling [emotion] right now."
- Accept: "It's okay to feel this way."
- Choose: "I can choose how to respond."
- Act: Take one small action aligned with your values
Example: You notice you're feeling angry when a relative makes a critical comment. You accept that anger is a valid response. You choose not to escalate the situation. You act by excusing yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes.
Creating New Traditions
If you're limiting contact with extended family, the holidays might feel empty at first. Fill that space intentionally:
Ideas for New Traditions:
- Start a holiday movie marathon with your immediate family
- Volunteer together at a local charity
- Create a "thankful jar" where everyone adds notes throughout December
- Have a special breakfast on holiday mornings
- Take a winter nature walk as a family
- Start a puzzle that you work on together over the season
- Host "Friendsgiving" with chosen family
- Create a new recipe together each year
- Have a game night on holidays instead of big gatherings
Remember: Traditions don't have to be elaborate. They just have to be meaningful to YOUR family. What matters is that you're creating memories based on connection, not obligation.
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
- Holiday stress is affecting your ability to function at work or home
- You're experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness or despair
- You're using substances to cope more than usual
- Your relationships are suffering significantly
- Your children are showing concerning behavioral changes
- You're having thoughts of self-harm
- You simply feel like you need more support than you're getting
Therapy Is a Sign of Strength
Seeking help doesn't mean you're failing—it means you're taking your mental health seriously. A good therapist can help you develop coping strategies, process difficult emotions, and create healthier family dynamics.
Remember:
Mental health is health. Treating it is not:
- ✗ A sign of weakness
- ✗ Something to be ashamed of
- ✗ Optional or "nice to have"
Taking care of your mental health IS:
- ✓ Essential to your wellbeing
- ✓ An act of self-respect
- ✓ Good modeling for your children
- ✓ Worth prioritizing
Final Thoughts
The holidays don't have to be perfect to be meaningful.
You don't have to sacrifice your family's mental health to keep the peace.
You don't have to pretend everything is fine when it isn't.
You don't have to face this alone.
Professional Support Is Available
Diligence Care Plus
Board-Certified Psychiatric Providers
San Bernardino Office:
255 North D Street, Suite 400
San Bernardino, CA 92401
Las Vegas Office:
3430 East Russell Road, Suite 301-77
Las Vegas, NV 89120
Phone: 909-276-1198
Email: info@diligenceintegratedcare.com
We provide comprehensive psychiatric care including medication management, therapy, and treatment for depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and other mental health conditions.
Accepting most major insurance plans. Virtual appointments available.
This guide is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please call 988 or 911 immediately.
© 2025 Diligence Care Plus. This resource may be shared freely with attribution.
